Bullies By Mrs Rascal

They aren’t just for the young. We always think of a bully as being this young punk, maybe a chubby kid who throws his weight around, comes from a family of many  bullies so it’s a lineage that he must perform to keep tradition going.

A bully is one who is seen stealing food, lunch money, pushing children around on a playground or teasing a smaller child who wears glasses or is petite in size, not exactly.

The truth of the matter is that bullies are boys and girls, big and small, young and old, wealthy and poor. A bully is the attitude that one human has towards another, a saying that I love every time I see it or think it, Never look down on a man unless you are helping him up. I do believe that quote comes from Martin Luther King Jr. and it rings so very true in my belief though I know at one time or another I have been a bully to someone around me, with great regret and guilt I apologize for the feelings I placed on another, the hurt that I left in my path of destruction known or unknown to me,  I regret any hurt I may have caused to another. I know all to well what it Is like to be bullied and the scars can last forever and can be deep cutting and leave one not understanding what they did wrong or what they could have changed to stop others from picking on them for one reason or another.

In my youth I recall being a shy little girl, chunky in my babygirl years and slimming as I grew older, a neighbor friend and I were playmates and with playmates came fighting, especially amongst girls. It was our first interactions with bully personalities, developing and growing. It can be a part of life that can be controlled with the right guidance from parents and adults that are in our presence, setting examples and guiding us to grow and become respectful individuals instead of these venomous snakes ready to strike.

That early memory is of when we fought and I didn’t want her at my house, I ignored her and she left, I remember her returning later after going home she got in trouble with an older sibling who had spanked her and she was crying, I was there to comfort her, We were friends . When a new girl moved in it was going to be trouble, three girls is always trouble. The new girl, one day had me in her room and the  other girl wanted to play, so I was to hide under the bed and the new girl would get rid of her so that we could have our play time without intrusion. That was so wrong and such a bully thing to do, I was young maybe kindergarten and looked at it as a game. But as I grew and was picked on more and more by the girls in my subdivision it began to leave scars on my soul. I developed many scars from my youth and to this day I am working to heal many of those scars through understanding and putting peace to them.

There was a movie some years back called Mean Girls….I have watched it thinking wow so true in how it is, though I am assuming many things happen amongst boys though I can not speak for them only for myself and my experiences. As I was picked on more and more since I was one of few girls my age in my subdivision, most my age were boys and the girls were a year older and that fact was used to torment me in small ways and large. Little things like simply not acknowledging me to running and hiding as I approached the group that was hanging out together, by this point I guess I was in 4^th or 5^th grade. I had friends but they lived in other subdivisions. My family life was at this point centered around parents whom were preparing for divorce,I was the least of their worries. I had to fend for myself, the youngest of four I made my way.

I had kids next to my house that I played with though they were much younger than I, they were fun and there was no torment or issues, they were like younger brothers and sisters to me and those neighbors were a blessing to my life. I grew older and grew eager to have older friends to hang out with and travel the subdivision with, had I known I would never have bothered, those girls I chased after and the trouble I continued to seek led me down some self-destructive paths, but that experience helps me to reach others today, so let it be a love/hate memory for me. Over time I was included to hang out here and there but still I know now I was being used. Over time the girls got to know me and realized I was a good person. That didn’t stop from there being girl fights and issues and I was the easy target to blame without a doubt. I was happy to be accepted and to be a part of a group of girls, something I didn’t feel I had outside of school but even with that as I grew I saw myself growing separate from many around me. I didn’t like the commitment of doing what that group wanted or being held by their rules and requirements to be friends, or the chain of command and whom was top dog or the pretty one or the funny one. I wanted to be me and didn’t want to be hidden by a strong personality, a bully.

Those years weigh on my mind so heavily and for so many years, I used one group to lead me to the next group as if I was doing case studies for what my adulthood would do with me. I have much experience with many types of personalities and characters amongst girls and a little bit with men and how they view those women. The biggest shame I feel that has stuck with me is trust. I have a huge lack of trust in others, I believe most are out for themselves and will do what It takes to secure their lot in life and their place in situations. I see many are not in tuned to what is going on, they are not listening when they ask if you are ok, or how was your weekend. They don’t care but they are programed to smile and ask. Again I feel that its being a bully, being fake.

When you meet another, when you are interacting with people, when you spend time, when you are in contact with others, are you being genuine about your conversations, about the questions you ask, the time and attention you give out is what is given back to you in the future. Do you wonder at times why people ask then ignore your answer, do you notice how others can talk over and not care of your opinion or choice in your own life, its what “they” say or do that matters, only their choices are the right choices in situations and life. Family, friends, co workers, it can even happen in church…. Bullies

Once you learn these behaviors, you find that  its easy to act out  your frustration and hurts. Do you feel you can stand up for yourself and who you are, that you are not that punching bag or runt that is picked on for whatever reason the bully has singled you out. Once you pick on another its not so much to pick on them as much as you feeling you can stand up for yourself, but you are doing it against the wrong person, in turn making you a bully as well, such a vicious circle isn’t it.

I was not picked on for being ugly, or fat, dumb or poor. I was just younger, I was later to bloom, I was not worried about perfect hair make up or clothes, I was just me and those that did care what they looked like or the attention they got picked on me, harassed me. I know now understand out of their own insecurities they lashed out at me, I was an easy target since I didn’t fight back, I was called a push over smurf then…I felt for everyone and had a strong conscience. I was not a fighter, not till later in teen years, then all that frustration came out with a fierceness I had no idea was in me.  Those that knew me then and still know me now, LOL they could tell some stories of my attitude.

In our youth we endure more than at times we realize, then we become depressed, we may act out in ways of fatigue, drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, recklessness, self-harm, physical fighting, verbal fighting, mood swings, many areas that a teen who is under stress and anxiety will react without realizing what is taking place. I acted in many ways and without parental guidance I found my life spiraling and uncontrolled for many years. As I continued to move on to other groups of friends, I was drawn to crowds that were not accepted as a popular crowd, maybe the group of teens that like me felt they had been picked at, or were outcastes for one reason or another, unable to relate to the clicks at school. Bully treatment does not come in one size fits all, its found in all elements, environments and cultures so don’t be fooled. Though I was friends with so many people, and from so many different clicks or groups, I appreciate everyone for one reason or another yet would not allow myself to be confined to one stereotype, I was just me, social bug Lisa who had her own rules and life situations to deal with.

As I ran with different teens from different areas and walks of life I still found a companionship amongst many of them and was drawn towards hanging with males rather than females to remove some of the bully aspect from my life, though not fully blocked from it things had improved so I thought…

From that lack of self-respect that was placed upon my life from the bullies I had to endure for so many years I was a target for disrespect from the males in my life as well and that began a new line of damage that would and still takes years to understand and heal.

As I grew and grow today I began to have thoughts of thankfulness that I will be past the age of bullies and the suffering that is endured from them, the thought that I can become whom I know I am without being teased and picked at for choices I make, whether they be right or wrong they were going to be my choices for my life. I soon learned that it didn’t matter what age I was or who I was to encounter, there is always someone ready to bully you in to thinking your ideas, choices, decisions, creativity, role in life are all poor in thought, that you don’t matter, that your ideas are the worst ever thought of or your steps are in the wrong direction for wrong reasons. This just allows for more low self-esteem and the self-worth to diminish even further than they had already gone.

When you are bullied you can mentally allow others to take over and either you believe what they are saying and you have No self-worth or you believe that you need to try again and rework your ideas and strive towards getting it right next time. I feel I was the second of the outcomes, I would think well why is that a bad choice, ok the bully is right but why, how can I adjust to get it right. Of course this gives much control to others and they learn real quick how to rule your life and they feed of that ability, its boosts their self-ego and their own self esteem to control. What doesn’t work when you bully someone who is a people pleaser and deep thinker is they won’t give up, they will try harder and soon others will see the success that they are reaching and will begin to take note in their talents and abilities, beginning to feed their lost and sometimes destroyed self-esteems and begin building them up.

The bullied are soon drawn to those that show them the attention the affection that they have craved for, the positive guidance and verbiage that had been lost so long ago in their lives.

Have you ever watched a documentary of cult leaders? Watch one some time, you will learn this psychological kidnapping is easily possible, take people who have no self-esteem and give them affection love and you can become a king in their lives. There are those that do this without realization and do not want to be kind they just believe in others and the abilities that they have and want to see good in and for humans around them, they truly are gifts in the role of mentoring and inspiring others to do and be more than they thought or where told was possible.

I learn that in this life we have to trust one human, ourselves. We believe in one God to guide us and direct us, the things we go through in life we must learn from and appreciate as part of our journey that leads us to our purpose, the one God has set aside for us.

I have met those that I thought loved me but had their own best interest at heart. I have met those that have others best interest at heart and in that blessing they too can benefit from the inspiration and positive impact they have on those around them. Then there are those that go out and follow no one, they are not looking for benefits at all, they in passing bless and inspire others, they truly want to see this world following Gods Will. Treat others as you would want to be treated. Treat others as you would treat Jesus.

Is it possible to take a step back and think before you speak, see past what is on the surface of others or situations. Can you consider trying a new approach or attitude towards someone that is hurtful to yourself or someone you love? How do you handle them, what do you say, and what do you show in actions to help them learn a new way of behavior. Do you step in when you see a bully in action in public, be it children or adults. Do you think there is an age limit on bullies? Do you think that a bully can overcome their own behavior and aggression towards others?

I feel there is no age limit and no limit to the ability to help others in their negative ways, they may have been hurt themselves, they may have not been corrected or taught to know better than to hurt others. They may feel the right to lash out to build what has been destroyed in them. I pray for all situations and that things can change, that bullies can heal, that victims can see themselves as beautiful souls that have been trapped for a moment and that this time will pass, that they will heal and not feel the pain that another feels and has placed on them due to their low self-esteem, damaged ego, lack of self-worth or vengeance to destroy another.

If you have been picked on by a girl named Sue, Don’t go a pick on others named Sue, sounds silly but it happens, that pain sticks and the details of the situations  don’t leave easily for many.

If you were raised where a parent cheats or a siblings steals, or a friend betrays you cant view all things and people in those roles to do the same. Just because one plane crashes doesn’t mean that they all will, mistakes happen and for many reasons. People falter for many reasons, some do it repeadedly and need guidance and someone to reach out and help them through so that they can heal and not hurt or lash out and hurt others.

If we can take the time to pray and ask God to guide us in our walk, to be vessels to His works and His word and actually follow through with the actions He lays upon our hearts, WOW…there is no limit to the possibilities the healings, the peace we can all begin to feel in this life. It all starts with YOU.